Pamela Haag at Big Think goes into her explanation of how when she sees someone claiming a marriage was ruined by non-monogamy then she can point to examples of how another marriage may have been ruined by non-monogamy.
“For one night of pleasure, I lost everything.” “I tanked my marriage, for lust.” Jeremiads of sexual decline and fall have enthralled us for centuries.
Whenever I hear a headline like, “Marriage Ruined by Cheating,” or “An Open Marriage Fails—It Just Never Works,” I’m tempted to point to a divorce somewhere else and declare, “Marriage Ruined by Monogamy.”
Before I explain, let me dispense with the fine-print disclaimers and qualifying statements.
One reason we hear so often about marriages destroyed by affairs is because some are.
Lying and betrayal stink. You’ve violated your partner’s trust, and a promise (I’m thinking of cheating, and not an open marriage). Your spouse might not be able to trust you again. They might leave. Or, maybe you’ll have an affair and become so hopelessly besotted that your marriage withers.
Still, for every time someone diagnoses a marriage ruined by non-monogamy, I could point to another ruined by monogamy.
The marriage was ruined, for example, because the partners were so dead to each other erotically that even though their marriage worked really well in other dimensions, as a Platonic marriage, a friendship, and a stable, co-parenting arrangement, the spouses saw no path forward.
You can see the entire piece at http://bigthink.com/ideas/a-marriage-ruined-by-monogamy?page=all.
Want to avoid becoming “erotically dead” to your partner? Even save a marriage? Check out the links below.
Brian
www.BrianDavidPhillips.com
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