Recently, at the technique exchange, we’ve had a couple unusual requests regarding chastity control and a person who wishes to like drinking urine. Needless to say, this has sparked off some debate on whether a hypnotist should fulfill all client requests or if folks who object to a lifestyle choice should lighten up about such things which leads us to the question of hypnotist responsibility and client choices.

The question is asked that if hypnosis is to be used to help others, is it only for helping others if they want what I think is best for them?

I believe that a professional hypnotist should endeavor to provide services. However, it is very possible that a client may believe they want one thing which is in fact harmful or dangerous. The hypnotist is responsbile for their work and their reputation so it is important that you be congruent about what you’re doing with folks. For some, it is simply a matter of taking their money and running with it. However, for others, it is also a craft, work in which they wish to feel pride in a job well done . . . and a well done job does not always mean doing exactly what the client asks for and only that.

The discussion goes further with the question of what happens if the hypnotist disagrees with the request or that it is or isn’t in their best interests, who is the hypnotist to make that sort of a decision? Who am I in this dynamic?

The hypnotist, or therapist, or coucellor, or coach, or whatever. You’re the person who is suppossed to have experience in the modality and with working with folks. You’re the one who has to look out for complete ecology of the individual. You’re the one who may find himself held legally culpable if you offer services that end up causing or at least contributing to harm to that individual or others. You’re the one who needs to think of the client’s best interests not simply their immediate needs . . . and in doing so, you’re not only doing a better job for that person in the long run but you’re covering your ass.

Once you set the ground rules with the client in that they’ve come to you for help and you’ll run the therapy . . . if they find that they do not wish to follow through with the course of therapy you’ve suggested, and that they’re really not interested in not wanting to do whatever it is you’ve suggested would be the course of therapy, then terminate the relationship.

If you believe that someone would indeed harm themselves or others if their request were granted, then walk away. If they insist, then they can find some other unethical hypnotst to help them destroy themselves. At least it won’t be you standing in the defendant’s box when family, friends, or even the client comes looking for someone to blame.

What if I don’t know about their circumstances or past history?

FIND OUT! That’s what the intake interview is about. You find out what the circumstances and the background is all about. You don’t blindly "grant requests" just because a person has asked for it.

Of course, you also have to have a degree of sense about yourself and you need to be open-minded if you’re going to go into any profession that deals with folks therapeutically. A good hypnotherapist cannot judge people, they have to be open enough to be able to work with all sorts within their own headspace. This means understanding that many folks have lifestyle choices that you may not agree with but which are indeed well within accepted normal behavior.

Someone mentioned that the newest DSM does not list BDSM as a dysfunction anymore . . . true, there are enough people within the lifestyle that it is now considered a variation that is still fairly normal, not particularly normal but not uncommon enough to be a strong abberation. However, extreme sadomasochism is still considered a mental disturbance. Folks who rip open their flesh and play with the blood are not considered within the norm. Those who derive pleasure in inflicting harsh pain in others are not considered within the norm. Light fantasy play is within the norm but the extreme is still considered extreme.

If a client comes to you and asks for help loosening up for light scene play, then there’s nothing wrong with helping them. If a client asks you to help them be able to withstand more pain so they can skin back deep layers of their flesh and play with the internal orgams with long sharm objects, you need to refer them to someone with more qualifications or at the very least deal with the issues that drive this behavior.

"And hurt none, do what thou will is the whole of the law." A whole bunch of folks have said this over the years, ranging from Buddha to Christ to Bastine to Paul to Crowley . . . and they’re right. While we should allow for variations and not be judgemental in the most part, if a client seems to be breaking this rule (and hurt none applies both to others and one self) or is stepping over the SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL rule, then we should NOT do the work. We should either send the person on their way or, better, suggest an alternative therapeutic route that will help the person become a well-adjusted individual who no longer needs to act out in the aberrant behavior (albeit in their own terms through a standard therapeutic course).

Also . . . even if we know a request is within the normal variation of behavior, we are not obligated to take a client on if their request makes us feel uncomfortable. If someone is uncomfortable with the idea of folks doing light spaking or living a Gorean lifestyle, consensual as it may be, then the therapist can freely suggest to the client that she or he find anothe hypnotist . . . albeit, I strongly suggest this be done politely so as not to damage the relationship with the client as there is still a possibility they may change their mind about your suggested course of therapy or at least refer folks to you. We often terminate sessions if the client is not responding to the hypnosis or if we feel we’re just not able to help the person with what they want . . . folks who hang in there taking the money knowing they’re doing no good are not being the most congruent or at least they’re not being very ethical.

Likewise, hypnotists who take on client request that they know have very little basis in reality or likelihood of success are being a whole lot less than ethical and those who take client requests that are obviously going to result in harm to others are being criminal. I’ve had biological men ask me to hypnotize them so they could physically become biological women without having sex change surgery. Specifically, they wanted to have no memory of ever having been men and they wished to grow wombs so they could have babies. Well, my hypnotic skills may be quite good but they’re certainly not that good. I am reminded of the Loretta character from the Life of Brian . . . "call me Loretta" "what" "I want to be a woman" "what" "I want to have babies" "you can’t have babies" "why not, it’s my right as a woman" "but you’re not a woman, you haven’t got a womb, where’s the fetus going to gestate" "don’t you oppress me" . . . even with an actual sex change operation, womb transfers just aren’t going to be happening anytime soon and I’m not aware of any secret hypnotic techniques to spontaneously grow wombs or any such cases in the literature. To take a client like that is just aiding a delusion and tantamount to bilking them out of their money.

A young man once asked if I could hypnotize him so he would have the courage to kill himself. I suggested an alternative course of therapy, to deal with the issues troubling him and help him find the resources to better his situation and have the courage to keep on living.

A hypnotist – and I know of a number who are doing this – accepts clients with terminal illnesses such as Cancer without a referral from a doctor or who encourages a client not to see a doctor for treatment or whose client chooses not to seek qualified competent medical help for an illness and wishes to rely solely on hypnosis . . . the hypnotist is behaving irresponsibly and in some locations is acting criminally and can be held responsible.

In many countries or states, lay hypnosis is limited in scope of practice to non-therapeutic hypnosis . . . so, if a client requests help for medical or psychiatric issues the hypnotist can be held legally accountable.

Not all client requests are in their own best interests.

Requests that may not be damaging or harmful but are distateful to the therapist may likewise be rejected. Every once in awhile someone will ask me to hypnotize them so they will wet the bed or becoming incontinent or even have unexpected and uncontrolled bowell movements in their pants while at business meetings (all real requests) . . . I realize some folks find this to be a reasonable lifestyle choice but I’d rather give it a miss.

Even within the framework of free choice, there are some choices which cannot be freely made. Tolerance should not equate to irresponsibility.

When folks make requests for unusual services in a public forum, they should be aware that with over two thousand members on this list, their request may upset someone. As most of us don’t actually know most of the folks we discuss things with here, it is possible to lose a lot of the register or the discussion and to not quite get what and why or how and all that of a discussion thread. However, if someone does voice an alternative view to your own, take it with a grain of salt and stay respectful . . . even if in you’re heart you know they’re dancing on looney bin. This is most evident when dealing with alternative or extreme lifestyles . . . but even pretty mundane views will cause that sort of reaction (some of you will recall some posts by a fellow who was very offended at the idea that anyone could say that it is possible to be happily married for more than fifteen minutes or the fellow with the very steadfast view that ALL American women are manipulative, heart-breaking, monsters . . . all, no exceptions). Heck, I found a certain book that is reccommended by a lot of hypnotists written by a fairly well known hypnotist to be interesting and useful for its techniques (very Elman-based so that’s already a plus in my tote sheet) but was very disappointed at his antagonistic views on doctors and I was extremely offended by his religious statements as they related to political and cultural health.

In a public discussion, we should stick to our guns but allow for others to have alternative views . . . even when they are wrong. Albeit, the moderators will let things go on for awhile if things stay generally on topic but once things stray or they go past areas the list owners may be comfortable with, we’ll stop a thread (or, one of us will and if the other disagrees we’ll give headsup behind the scenes).

For the most part, the technique exchange is a a very free discussion group with folks with a whole lot of backgrounds and interests so we allow for a LOT of leeway in discussion. The membership knows this at the get-go when they join the group so folks should still feel comfortable in discussing material that is still a bit beyond the pale . . . but within the limits of Safe, Sane, and Consensual (all three components together).

All the best,
Brian