Lorraine (my wife) sent me this link as it’s of interest . . . part cultural sexual awareness, part silliness, part celebrity gossip, and all intriguing . . . 聯合新聞網 | 影視娛樂 | 于冠華偷腥 | 施寄青：如果于冠華娶的是陳文茜.
Here we have a celebrity couple with marital problems. Both of them are entertainers but he hasn’t been working as much lately as she. A few months back, he was spotted with a girl coming out of a motel and the photographs were circulated. Turns out it wasn’t him but the seed of an impression was planted despite his denials.
Well, recently, new photos come out and this time it really is him . . . with a professional escort.
Turns out he’s been sleeping around quite a bit and the wife was none the wiser. Also . . . evidently despite being married they stopped sleeping together long ago. They had seperate bedrooms. The rarionale being that the wife has been shooting a lot of television shows and would come home late and didn’t wish to disturb her husband.
The media turned to a couple "experts" about the couple and asked if they believed the fact that the couple did not sleep together might have affected the relationship.
The first expert, a feminist theorist said that sleeping in different rooms had nothing to do with anytthing that what probably wrecked the relationship was the wife having more power and money at the time since she was working a lot and he wasn’t working much at all. It’s all power dynamics, nothing to do with sexual or physical proximity or intimacy. Since the husband could not "control" his wife, he sought that control elsewhere.
The other expert, a doctor, said yes that not sleeping together probably indicated very strongly something was wrong with the relationship. He also noted that sleeping in separate rooms may have been a warning sign in addition to the factor that for many men sexual attention from younger women can be an esteem builder. In fact, he discussed recent studies on sleeping together and healthy intimacy levels.
The study found four levels of a healthy sexual life and marriage related to sleep habits.
- Sleep Together Naked – couples that sleep together nude tend to have the healthiest marriage and the highest relationship intimacy.
- Sleep Together Clothed – the next level of healthy intimacy and sexual life belongs to those who share the same bed but do so clothed.
- Sleep in Separate Beds in Same Room – warning bells start to go up for those couples who sleep in the same bedroom but do so in different beds. Their sexual life and relationship intimacy tends to suffer.
- Sleep in Separate Beds in Separate Rooms – for married couples to sleep in completely different rooms is a rather bright warning light when considering both their sex life and other aspects of healthy expression of intimacy. Those who sleep in different bedrooms are treating one another pretty much like flatmates rather than lifemates.
Despite having separate rooms for some time, the wife in this particular scenario was "shocked" and "surprised" to learn that her husband had turned into something of a lothario. This happens all the time. I have known more than a few couples who stopped sleeping together for sometime and yet one party was "shocked" that she (or, sometimes, he) did not see any warning signs of impending relationship problems. Sleeping in separate rooms should be considered a sign of relationship problems in and of itself as should drops in sexual drive.
It is a myth that sexual drive must fall to nil as one ages. That is just bullshit. Yes, drive may decrease slightly with some folks but it should not fade away. Anyone who can’t maintain a sexual interest in their mate needs to learn to rekindle that drive and passion. By the way, lingerie, toys, and playful games can go a looooong way.
If you are not sure how to rekindle desire and to increase emotional and sexual intimacy with your partner, then check out my webpages at http://www.briandavidphillips.com and participate in one of the couples workshops or book appointments for one-on-one hypnotherapy.
All the best,
Brian
