More at Forumosa on female turn ons. The question was raised as to what one should do in order to engage a woman’s imaginative or sensual response (turn on a woman) once initial attraction is set.

This really does depend upon the girl and upon the guy. What shakes your world may only rattle the next person’s.

Establish rapport with the woman . . . that feeling of mutual admiration and a feeling that this person has your best interests at heart and isn’t just trying to get you all googoogaga so he can jump your bones and then jump ship regardless of your interest or investment in the relationship.

Elicit values . . . find out what turns her on and if that is something you can accommodate, then do it. Find out the kind of person the kind of women you want to attract are attracted to and BE that kind of person, don’t just pretend you’re that person and feed ’em a bunch of lines, but BE that guy (which may or may not mean personal changes in hygiene, behavior, or values). If this requires you to change yourself beyond your interest or values then change your target outcomes.

Mark Cunningham once taught an seminar to men on "Build a Better Girlfriend" and in it he asked a group of men what sort of girlfriend or wife they were most interested in . . . the answers were pretty much straightfoward and fairly predictable . . . ranging from . . . hot, sexy, submissive, loving, caring, great cook, sexually adventurous, loves to give oral sex, allows and even enjoys anal sex (while awake) :-), beautiful, hot, sexy, wears sexy outfits, slut in the bedroom and angel everywhere else, and willing to pretty much cater to the man’s every sexual or other whim . . . you get the picture.

After he got the list on the board, he covered it and brought in some women who were his hypnotherapy clients who had volunteered to be guests at the seminar for this bit where Mark and the men could pick their brains on what women wanted. So, Mark brought these very attractive ladies in and then asked them what sort of boyfriend or husband most attracted them or they would most want to end up with.

Responsible, gentle, humorous, loads of money not required but potential to be a good and stable provider was there . . . handsome was only mentioned by one of the women and it was not at the top of her list. Once he had a compositve of "what women want" he then asked the ladies what would they be willing to do for a man they loved who fit their criteria. Answer . . . anything and everything. Mark then went down the men’s list point by point and asked the women if they’d be willing to do that for a man they loved who fit the criteria. Yes, yes, yes.

Women will pretty much do anything and everything their men desire as long as they feel they are getting what they need out of the relationship too. So, if you want hot monkey sex, be the kind of man that your woman will have hot monkey sex with.

What turns women on is the idea of the sort of man they are attracted to being in a romantic context with them. The rest is frosting on the cake and is related to context.

Of course, that appropriate context and specific approach to the moves or whatevers to get to the "turn on" whether it be romantic turn on (attraction and the like) or sexual turn on (the wherefores and howto of getting the ol’ slippery when wet effect) is very individual with some general approaches that seem to work for many women.

Romantic environment. This can be the ol’ cliche of the nice dark dinner or the moonlight walk in the park or a rainy afternoon kiss . . . but it can also be emotional context in an environment that is not usually seen as romantic but if you are in a crowded noisy shopping mall or night market and you look into your lady’s eyes with just a simple twinkle and lean in most of the way for that kiss (let her come in for the rest of the kiss, Hitch got that right) then it suddenly transforms into a romantic environment.

Touch. Appropriate touch, gentle stroking and the like . . . yes, there really are bona fide studies that show that women respond positively to gentlle stroking or "petting" (no, not that kind of petting, but just simply reaffirming one’s physical attachment through physical strokes or touches in a way that does not have to be sexual but may have a romantic and sensual component). Hugging can also be a good thing, within appropriate contexts. Of course, don’t go creepy and start stroking or hugging on the first date or in an inappropriate context, you must establish rapport and genuinely set that this is an appropriate level of physical intimacy before reaching over and grabbing boobs or dry humping.

Caveman tactics are for the stone age. There are real live "seduction" teachers right now who actually teach caveman tactics. In today’s world, this is a BAD idea. To caveman is to physically pressure a woman into a sexual situation in an effort to arouse her physically through early physical intimacy and assume that the emotional response will follow the physical (behavioral rather than cognitive psychology approach). Basically, you’re forcing your affections so the woman doesn’t have to make a concsious choice. Not really a good idea . . . even though most caveman type instructors do teach their students to stop short of rape or molesting or the like, it is not a good idea to go that route. The two steps forward one step back approach is more appropriate and even it has limits.

Some guys also learn the so-called "cocky and funny" approach to attracting women where one behaves a bit brashly – in some ways purposefully acting a bit like an ass – and also does a lot of joking at the woman’s expense (including what are called neghits). This may work in LA or the like with certain types of women but in Asia the humor doesn’t translate well and witty satire often falls flat or is taken as bitter sarcasm.

Best strategy . . . in my mind . . . be up front, find out what she likes and provide that if it jibes with your interests too . . . if not, then politely say goodbye and move on.

Of course, if you’re at a stage where you have done the attraction thing and you’re ready to intensify the physical intimacy thing . . . remember to approach the mind as well as the body . . . the emotions rest both in the mind and the body and sensual response or turn ons are very much a mind leading physical reaction sort of thing . . . so, with the right words and getstures, she will be responding like this in no time . . . just remember to not go off and do this too soon . . . of course, you could always learn a bit more about female response patterns and engaging physical and emotional reactions . . . or, just consensually hypnotize her and have her doing this or this or some of the other bit in that profile.

Of course, the best thing you can do is . . . take my sensuality and romance hypnosis course for couples hypnosis in February. See the training sections of my webpages at http://www.briandavidphillips.com for more details.

All the best,
Brian

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Practical Approaches to Metaphysical Hypnosis – Feb. 6-10, 2006
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Brian David Phillips, PhD, CH [phillips@nccu.edu.tw]Certified Hypnotherapist
Associate Professor, NCCU, Taipei, Taiwan
http://www.briandavidphillips.com