McSweeney’s Realistic Assessment of How Many 12-Year-Olds I Could Beat Up Before They Overtook Me . . . strange yet compelling reading. I’d have to go with ten to twelve . . . I’m old and out of shape but I’m also big and with that size comes a lot of muscle mass, no stamina, not anymore . . . but when I was twelve, I could take seven so my ego says twelve (reality might say differently but I like my ego, he’s my buddy so I’ll go with twelve . . . my superego says “Who are you kidding?” but I enjoy ignoring my superego in most cases so why stop now? My id says “hundreds of the little buggers” but my id isn’t the brightest fellow on the planet and, truth be told, he’d probably give up the fight for some ice cream and porn long before the first twelve year old made that sacrificial back jump anyway).