On one of my discussion lists, the topic of smoking cessation has come up when a woman Hypnotherapist asked about working with a fellow who came to her for hypnotic help to stop smoking. Evidently, the guy used to be quite the ladies man when young and also tentatively asked if the therapist did any “erotic type hypnosis” . . . when she said she did not but could point him in the direction of some sites or folks who might be able to help him, he said he was just joking. However, after letting her know his marriage of seventeen years is no longer all that much fun, he continued to drop joking hints about erotic hypnosis. As she’s working with him for smoking, she asked what others thought about the idea of having him imagine a hot babe of the type he finds particularly sexy (he’s already volunteered that sort of information) walking towards him and then when she gets close to him she is disgusted by his smoking. The idea being that he would want to stop smoking to attract women.
A few folks have said they don’t believe this is the best approach to hypnotic smoking cessation nor is it something you need to be doing as it’s not what the client really is paying for.
My response is as follows . . . off the top of my head . . . so the ideas are rather jumbled . . .
He asked for smoking cessation . . . so do that . . . get to the root causes as to why he is a smoker and then deal with them. Give rider suggestions, compounded and repeated so they stick . . . pleasure at healthy air and feeling better and looking better and living longer and how happy he is to get rid of those nasty cancersticks and deathtwigs that had been eating away at his body, his mind, and his wallet.
Using aversion therapy in the form of hot women won’t find you attractive if you smoke sets him up with the suggestion that it’s okay to be looking for hot women. He has said he’s been married for seventeen years . . . if he wants an excuse to cheat, tell him you won’t give him one. If he wants do deal with the statement that “the relationship with his wife just isn’t all that great anymore” then offer but don’t force. He can learn to love her more powerfully and to link powerful pleasure sensations to being with her or to seek physical affection with her more often . . . if it’s his spark that’s run out then you can give him some suggestions to reignite it, if it’s her or both of them as a unit (more likely) then they can do some couples work. However, he has to specifically ask for that service. Don’t make assumptions.
When he asked about erotic stuff, you told him you don’t do it. The fact that he still brings it up is indeed a red flag . . . tell him in no uncertain terms that you don’t do that and it is inappropriate for him to bring it up again. He may just be joking as you say, but he could also be testing waters that don’t need to be tested in a formal therapeutic relationship.
Erotic hypnosis is fine . . . in consensual contexts . . . and folks who do it professionally are free to do so . . . however, that material is not within the professional bounds you have established for this guy so he needs to take the hint and get off it. If you cater to his fantasies in what should be a straightforward therapeutic relationship . . . . then you’re setting yourself up for some real problems.
Don’t ask him about his fantasy females . . . don’t fish for trouble . . . if he wants to play outside of his marital relationship, that’s his choice, but you need to stay clear of any implication that you condone or condemn that behavior. Focus on the smoking, deal with bolstering his resources to quit and neutralizing his reasons for staying a smoker. Even something like a six-part-reframe in hypnosis is going to be quicker and more effective than a fantasy aversion approach that encourages looking outside of his marriage for human connections (besides, he could just come to the conclusion that since you said it’s okay to look for hot women in this fantasy which is to anchor into real world behaviors that he could make a compromise and go after less hot women who found him attractive in spite of his smoking).
Tread carefully . . . here there be tygers.
In my opinion.
All the best,
Brian
