Hmmmm. I’m not sure I agree with the premise inherent in the title of She Comes First: A Sexual Manifesto That Inspires Men To Give And Empowers Women To Receive. Personally, I would rather both persons do a bit of giving and receiving. We don’t redress inequity with further inequity. Giving and Receiving should be a Feedback Loop that goes both ways, all the time.

Of course, that’s not really the point of the book . . . I’m not sure which is worse . . . a book that takes the obvious that cunnilingus is a great tool or the need for a book to teach men how to perform it or that it’s becoming a tool rather than just a simple spontaneous way of expressing affection?

Ian Kerner, PhD, has written his in-depth exploration and how-to of cunnilingus for men . . . evidently it’s the ultimate how-to guide. At one time, Kerner suffered from premature ejaculation and he found cunnilingus to be a way to deal with that problem (there are other more directive approaches as well that I think would be more healthy rather than an avoidance approach like this). In any case, because of his feeling of need to perform cunnilingus in order to satisfy a woman where his Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky was failing, he discovered it’s a pretty nifty trick to have in one’s bag for sexual encounters. Go figure.

So . . . he has done a LOT of research and wrote THE book on cunnilingus. Funny, I didn’t think it was all that hard to learn that one would need a whole book. Large sections on just getting guys to relax and not be disgusted with the idea is what puzzles me . . . the guys who won’t do it are the ones who need the book but they’re also the ones who won’t buy it, selfish bastards that they are. Back in the days when I was running one of my hypnosiseXperienceeXperiment groups where I created hypnosis MP3 files for women to use and then provide feedback so I could tweak the processes and techniques, one of the most-often requested hypnotic procedures was a session on oral sex . . . that is for women to become more comfortable performing oral sex on men, particularly performing deep throat without a gag reflex. Once the file went up, it was very succesful . . . for some reason, I received a few thank-you notes from husbands on that one. It sounds like Kerner might want to consider a similar approach for his readers, some guided imagery and visualization on being successful at the skill would be helpful as well.

As some of you know, my late friend Rick Brown wrote a wonderful book on The Ultimate Orgasm before his untimely death that had it been published would have been THE book to read on this sort of thing. Unfortunately, the manuscipt rests unpublished for now. Rick’s approach was less specific only to cunnilingus as he added in many other things one can do in a healthy happy sexual relationship to bring your partner pleasure. Those of you who have learned the “instant orgasm induction” from me can thank Rick’s influence in helping me streamline the approach through fieldtesting and advice.

You can read Kerner’s blog, Tongue Untied . . . he is fast becoming The Cunnilingus Guy. The book is here. See reviews here and here.