More discussion on suggested sexual reponse for consenting adults, the talk-through orgasm concept at Forumosa. Received a few questions directly and will share the answers here.
As an aside I wonder about this smell thing, and I’d like the yank werewolf’s thoughts on this relative to say, talking through to orgasm. . . . After the call I realised, yes I was excited but I know she was more so. For me, it was the smell that was missing. Completely. The comfort factor is there, the sense of hubris, an ability to laugh at your own and others foibles, et al. But damn, where was the smell?
The smell thing is another example of an anchored or conditioned response. Some people – many – associate certain smells to certain events or people and these associations more likely than not have particular emotions attached. The romantic association to a lover’s smell or perfume or cologne or clean yet masculine or feminine smells is very common.
Knowing this in relationship to the "talking through an orgasm" thing is that when doing the directed visualization, your goal isn’t just simple talk or even guided daydreaming or the like, your goal is what is called an experiential imaginative experience or experiential focused trance. That is, within the imagined experience, your girlfriend or boyfriend not only is imagining the key points but imagining them AS IF they are REAL. To do this well, you want to use patter that engages as many of the associated senses as possible to make the experinece more vivid. So, through the way you say things and what you say, you would not just engage her aural senses but also her sense of touch, taste, sight, touch, and smell. If you already know what triggers the most powerful response, you use that as your primary patter and reference the rest, if not, then you engage everything. Of course, the easiest way to do this is to hypnotize her into somnambulism and then setup trigger responses for later, post-hypnotic suggestions, but you can accomplish the whole thing fairly straightforwardly and in a very romantic context just through the patter . . . as long as you are experientially engaging her imagination.
On a head to toe basis, I like my GF’s every smell. Hair ready for a visit to the hairdresser, her neck, her armpits, her back, the periodic shifts in the smell of her loins (I like that word), her knees, feet, etc.?
Then . . . for her to guide you into a hyper-responsive aroused state, it would be helpful for her to elicit your responses to those smells. The more successful phone-sex girls ask clients for their levels of response and then go in directions that heighten those responses while the more typical and mundane ones just read their scripts. Albeit, for many men – particularly the lonely ones who do run up large phone sex bills – just having a woman talk naughty to them is enough to achive arousal (many are aroused before they’ve even made the call) and their climax is based upon the imaginative experience and touching themselves which isn’t quite the same as the "no touch orgasm through talk" thing.
Of course, for consenting adults, touch is a good thing . . . appropriate touch with an appropriate partner in appropriate contexts is an extremely good thing and one shouldn’t pass up a chance to get some touching in . . . with one another . . . and the words are the whispered nothings gently and softly slipping into a loved one’s ear that we say to express our emotional connection which in turn heighten one another’s pleasure.
With this thread in mind, I was chatiing away and realised, or thought I did, that she could conjure my smells – she was commenting on the way I smell, fortunately favourably. I courldn’t do it.
You couldn’t do it at that time in that context. I would guess there are indeed times where you can and do conjure up imaginative smells. However, some folks are better at it than others . . . it’s a function of visualization ability (visualization is usually used to describe a person’s ability to visualize or see things clearly and fully within their imaginations but it can also be used to describe imaginative engagement and how vivid the senses are brought into play while different senses may have different levels of aptitude or skill for purposeful revivification). Actors study what is called Sense Memory as a means to access sensory information and emotions. Imaginative involvement can be learned and practiced. For instance, here are some strightforward imaginative suggestibility games you can give a go and see which ones you respond best to (these work best with a friend to run the process).
So in a segue over to meiguo langren, when you talk of talking a person through to orgasm, you were sheepisjh on the male, and it seemed to me at least you thought it was easier for a woman – thus women’s brain’s are more able to ellcit a feeling of desire through words, perhaps because they can better conjure the smells and so on?
I wouldn’t say I am sheepish on the male because they are less capable of this. Far from it . . . many men can respond very powerfully and do indeed have full orgasm and climax through this sort of thing. Here is an example for you . . . suggested male orgasm . . . I am "sheepish" on the male in this respect in that other than when I’m teaching my workshops for folks to learn how to do this stuff, I don’t actually do it with a lot of guys . . . I have done demonstrations with guys and it has worked fine . . . but . . . for some reason, when it comes to personal experience, I have been more comfortable leading a woman to orgasm than a guy . . . note the differences and similarities . . . suggested female orgasm . . . hmmm, go figure.
I have noticed that in many relationships, when couples learn this stuff rather than singles . . . that within couples, while both partners will learn the skills, there is often a natural tendancy for one person to be the guide more often than not while the other partner will take on the position of trance partner more often. I’ve seen this in a number of couples who have taken seminars with me or discussed it on my email lists so it does seem to be typical (although some folks do trade off roles more often than others). As it is part of how they enhance their enjoyment of each other and the relationship, whatever works and feels right for you is the correct way to go.
However, a number of sources will tell you that when it comes to suggestibility, women tend to be more imaginatively open than men and higher intelligence tends to correspond to higher suggestibility (understand that suggestible is not the same as gullible. Of course, in my experience, some folks look at suggestibility scores or their performance on one trial tests and assume a nonresponsive result means they’ll never be able to do this stuff. Bull. Standard tests measure standard responses. Anyone can learn to engage their imaginations more fully and while one approach may not be appropriate for one person, another approach may very well be very effective. That’s also why the folks who do focused trance work need to learn a number of approaches. They may have their favorites (and I certainly do) but they also need to find ways to engage folks who don’t respond to their favorites. This is done in part through elicitation of response sets and using imaginative feedback loops to feed those sets back to one’s partner to create desirable imaginative response.
Sombunal . . . some but not all . . . some but not all women are highly imaginatively suggestible, some but not all women are not, some but not all men are highly imaginative responsive, some but not all men are not. Men and women tend to respond differently to visual or emotional cues. For many men, visual cues are all you need (cleavage, butt, a flash of skin). For many women, emotional cues are more important. However, when working with a particular man or woman, you need to personalize your approach and elicit from them the cues needed to engage the imagination most fully to create physical and emotional response patterns. That may sound complicated, but it isn’t . . . once you know the basic structures and approaches. This is not rocket science, it is romance (or, just sex).
The smell of neck, hair . . . my GF is Thai with long hair, despte twice daily showerrs as most Thai’s do, hair, when it’s long, is washed much the way Taiwanese womaen do, ie, maybe three – four times a week, usually in a salon. Erh I digress . . again. More broadly, smell supposedly is ine of the deeper memories, far more retained than sight, say. I spent the first five years of my life in Malaysia, and I swaer that’s why I will always live in Asia. When I’m not here, I miss the smells, they are sometimes overwhelming, but more importantly, comforting.
Well, if this is the case . . . then your girlfriend might consider taking advantage of your tendancy to associate within smells as a way to engage your imagination and your responsiveness more fully.
From your description of her phone experience, it seems she may be a natural at imaginative responsiveness so that she could enjoy this sort of experience very fully from the get-go. Couldn’t say if she is a natural somnambule or not, but in any case it is a natural aptitude that can take one very far in many ways, not just the interesting ways we’ve been discussing here. Most successful entrepreneurs are highly suggestible but aconformist, for instance.
I hope this has been helpful.
All the best,
Brian
Brian David Phillips, PhD, CH [phillips@nccu.edu.tw]
Certified Hypnotherapist
President, Society of Experiential Trance
Associate Professor, NCCU, Taipei, Taiwan
http://www.briandavidphillips.com
